Mind Flow

All of this traveling and reading and aloneness, and beauty feeds my soul. I write this one afternoon while sitting in the youth hostel in Bouillon. Eight beds, but I’m the only one there. And this comes out:

You know, even in my religious days, I never could understand why people needed life to have a point. There is such a huge fear if this universe being pointless. I think this fear is just a consequence of a larger fear. The fear of inadequacy and a short life span. We are beings who can conceive of vast amounts of time, yet live only a short amount of it. Our strong instinctual, animalistic desire to live makes us sad and disappointed when we think about how short our loves really are. So, therefore, we think that there MUST be more. There must be a reason that our lives our so short. Otherwise, it would all be for nothing.

I think that in this train of thinking humans are not focusing on the important aspect of the situation. Acceptance. If humans can accept that this is it, and get past their suffering, then they can focus on the joy of being alive.

Personally, I don’t really care if the universe has point. I could care less. And as for a short life span, I agree, that can be depressing. But, for me that just means that I must make the most out of everyday. I must feel alive because after all it is that (life) that we all really want.


That’s another subject, life. I mean, you could say that there are those who want to kill themselves, and to that I would ask, Are they really living life? I can’t say in actuality, but to me there is something more to life that a heart beat. I mean to define life I guess I would start there, but then I think that is goes on; a twinkle of the eye, a special flick of a fin. There is this essence. This joy.


I think that there is this huge connection between human instinct and emotion and perception. Humans forget that they are animals. In fact, they adamantly protest if someone says so. They’re like, “yeah, but we have conciseness, and knowledge, and intelligence, etc.” I really suspect that human beings do not realize that they are acting by instinct most of the time. We are acting by instinct, but we have more creative ways to carry out our instinct. Sometimes I think that the part of us that makes us human evolved out of the same part of the brain that keeps us alive, (or in line with the idea of the part of the brain that keeps us alive). Our emotions and conciseness was just mother natures way of helping us to survive. We think that we are different than other animals, but instead of developing bigger teeth or claws to keep us alive, we developed emotions and the ability to act on them in a way that other animals cannot. When I look at it this way, it makes it much easier for me to understand my emotions and it makes it much easier for me to understand human beings as a whole.


“I need to be loved,” “I need to feel important,” “I need to feel useful,” and so on, these feelings all feed into, “I need to stay alive.”  And how do apes stay alive? They live in small communities. So, you can see how these feelings feed into the idea of “staying alive.” If I am part of a group, and if I am a valued part of the group, then I have a better chance of living.


But, of course, all of these ideas have been convoluted since the dawn of man. Or, you could say that the need to stay alive is so great for man(and woman!)kind, that he/she has thought of ever more creative ways to feel important and to create life security.


And now the question becomes, how do we tame these run away feelings? Or, should we even try? I think maybe yes, we should try, because if we do, then our lives will be even more secure. (If and only if the race acts as a whole). If I can accept my suffering (and by this I mean natural suffering, not imposed suffering) and I can accept my joy, then I, and all others, can thrive. Then maybe we can so whatever makes us happy. Oooooo, the scary phrase. But, if you think about it, then really it is not, it is natural. When someone says, “do whatever makes you happy,” or, “people should do what ever makes them happy,” people automatically hear, “do whatever you want.” Doing whatever you want and doing what makes you happy are two completely different things. I don’t think that if people are truly doing what truly makes them happy, then they are doing evil things (even though I truly don’t know what evil means :)  ). I don’t think that humans instinctively do “mean” and “hurtful” things on purpose, I think that the human instinct to live is so great that if it feels harmed (including emotionally, especially emotionally), then it will do “mean” and “hurtful” things as an instinct. Of course we try to train our little humans (children) not to react that way when they feel threatened, but still, even with the training (which is often improper) we still do it.